Helping Us Heal

It was a small group, but what a great meeting it was.  Our bi-weekly meetings don’t seem that far apart until we sit down and start talking about all of the things that have happened since the last time we met.  It is so very nice and comforting to sit down with other survivors and talk about issues that it really seems that no one else could possibly understand.  We talk, we cry, we laugh and we laugh some more.  Most importantly, we help each other because we truly do understand each other.  What a blessing to be a part of a group like this…

This past week has been the most difficult week that I have ever experienced.  I didn’t think it could get any worse than the moment I discovered that my oldest daughter had been violated by her own father. But, it did.  My son, too was violated. How is it possible that we all missed that?  How is it that so many hands touched that case when prosecuting their father and no one even thought to ask, myself included.  Well, we did miss it.  And, my precious son has carried the painful burden with him for 8 years.  My heart was just torn in two when I found out last week.  God bless his sweet and innocent little heart.  It was very evident to me that I needed to get him some counselling.  As a result, we had to report what happened.  And, the whole process began…interviews, telling and retelling the painful event, the detective and his police report, the possibility of another trial…so difficult.  And, in the midst of it, I find that the man I am in love with is just not capable of standing by me through this.  Not that I don’t understand.  But, another layer of pain, none the less.  We have shed so very many tears.  And, we have prayed and looked to God for our strength.  I am so blessed as a mother.  I can honestly say that I have such a strong bond with each and every one of my children, and they do with each other, as well.  I didn’t think it was possible for us all to have a closer love and deeper bond and commitment to each other than we already had, but we now do.  That evil man tried to reach his hand into our lives once again and snatch our joy from us.  But, no chance.  What a silly thought.  This has only caused us to stand stronger than ever in our belief in God and our belief in our love we have for one another.  As tough as this has been, we have cried our tears and now can smile.  He can try to hurt us, but we are wrapped in a shield of love, trust, faith and strength that he can never pierce.  And, we will praise God in this storm…  “Thank you Lord, for seeing us through this painful time and giving us your strength and peace.  Our victory is only because of You.”

I normally would not share the back and forth emails and letters that go on between friends and I.  However, I am sharing this response to Linda because she really has been my hero for such a long time.  I hope everyone has at least one friend that they can call on for everyday advice, relationship advice, and most importantly spirutal advice and support.  Linda is such a beautiful woman, inside and out.  And, I am very blessed to have her as a dear friend.

Dearest Linda,

I am certain that your email was the kindest most beautiful letter I have ever received.  It’s funny when I mention your name to other friends on occassion, that I talk about you like one of the closest friends I have ever had and then they ask why we rarely see each other.  I always tell them it is hard to explain.  But, it is the kind of spirtual friendship that you know is just ever present in our hearts.  I have friends that I can call to go shopping or out to lunch (not that I ever do LOL).  But, when I need a friend to pray for me and with me, you are one of the first and foremost in my mind.

You know you called me a hero.  And, I’m not sure if I ever told you this.  But, people often asked me what changed in my life to make me finally get away from Rick.  And, I tell them I had this very dear friend that had prayed and prayed with me year after year for God to heal our marriage and bring the love to it that I knew marriages were supposed to have. Events that took place in my marriage just kept getting darker and darker, despite our many prayers.  I was so miserable, but committed to making it work because of our vows and our children.  I couldn’t even see how dangerous things were getting.  And, then one afternoon I called you to tell you of the most recent things that had happened that concerned me.  And, you calmly said, “Lisa.  It’s time to get away from him.  Now, I am worried about the safety of your kids and you.”  I know you struggled with the role of being my friend and being a Christian and supporting me in both ways, as to my marriage.  But, you loved me and my children enough to step forward and say , “No.  This has turned into a very bad situation.  Vows, or not, you don’t deserve this and I’m frightened for you.”  Those words jolted me enough to make me come out of my fog to see things with fresh eyes.  I absolutely shutter at the thought of what would have happened if I would have stayed any longer.  God sent us an angel to bring us out of that fire.  And, that angel was you, Linda.  I truly mean that.  I really can’t remember if I ever even thanked you for that.  But, the funny thing is that I thank you for it all of the time when I tell my story.

Thank you Linda.  Thank you for everything…for always being a true friend, a prayer warrior for me and just being there.  I am so blessed to have you.  And you, Linda, are the hero, here.  God truly used your voice, knowing I probably wouldn’t have listened to anyone else at the time.  And, He used it to save us.  I will always be so grateful to you for having the courage and love to be able to say those words to me.

Love,

Lisa

I was sending out the link to our new website to a few of my friends and church members this weekend to let them know the website was, though not complete, up and running.  And, they all had such very sweet and encouraging words to say in response.  This particular letter, however, was particularly moving to me, as it is from the woman that was my angel when I was married to my 2nd husband, or the one that assaulted our daughter to be more precise.  Linda was such a strong supportive force for me, through prayer, support and unconditional, loving friendship.  Prayers and friends like this are what got me through.  She was there for me when I confronted my aunt and my family turned their backs on me.  And, she was there for my daughter and I as we had to testify against my ex husband in a jury trial for what he did.  Don’t ever think for one moment that one person can’t make a difference.  God uses us all in ways we don’t even realize sometimes.  And, he definitely used her to save us from a terrible ordeal.    Here is her letter….

Dear Lisa,

                 The website is beautiful. You have shared parts of your story with me before but as someone who cares for you I found it very painful to read, as I heard your voice in my head.

I started reading it at 4:30 this morning, and couldn’t even do it all at once, as my heart and mind were screaming at the pain and injustice you have endured a million times over, then and since. I went back to bed and as I drifted in and out of sleep, praying for you and your children, I had visions of an evil hand reaching up through your family, but all the while God’s bigger hand was upon you, saying, “She is MY CHILD, and I will lift her up so that she can help others who, like her, were burned but shall not be consumed.”   Did you ever know that you’re a hero?  Most people go through their whole lives searching for what God’s will is for them and you have already found it. Do you ever think back to the little book, Hinds’ Feet On High Places that we did in 9-5ers?  Because I do, and it is still an inspiration to me when I think about  ‘Little Miss Much Afraid on her spiritual journey through difficult places with her two companions, Sorrow and Suffering. And how she overcomes her tormenting fears as she passes through many dangers and mounts at last to the High Places, where she gains a new name and returns to her valley of service, transformed by her union with the loving Shepherd.’

Do you know what your new name is? I have a feeling if He hasn’t already, one of these days God will reveal it to you. I am so thankful that He, in His infinite wisdom, has provided a way for us to go to the High Places, to be healed and restored.  Habakkuk 3:19 :”The Lord God is my strength, and He will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and He will make me walk upon mine high places.”  But alas, His will is not for us to stay there,  but to come down into the valleys of  service that He has for us, so that others may be saved, and His name glorified in the process. But the beauty of it is, it is also His will that we find JOY in that service and I have a feeling that this service that you have found, will be the most fulfilling of your life.

I will leave you for now with the Bebo Norman lyrics:

“I will lift my eyes to the Maker

Of the mountains I can’t climb

I will lift my eyes to the Calmer

Of the oceans raging wild

I will lift my eyes to the Healer

Of the hurt I hold inside

I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You.”   

I am honored that I can be a prayer warrior for you and the very important work that you have to do…   Love,  Linda    

I have been working for some time trying to get our website ready to view.  And although it is not completely finished, it is at least complete enough for us all to start using.  I want to thank all of you that support our efforts with your help and prayers.  This is a project that has been in my heart for such a long time.  And, it is finally being realized.  I think some of my friends thing I’m a bit nutty to be so excited about a project such as this.  The topics we discuss and the pain that we have gone through, are a far cry from exciting.  Perhaps, I should use the word gratification, instead.  Regardless of whatever word or words I use to describe it, it is a very good feeling to know that there are so many survivors of abuse out there that think that they are alone in their thoughts and no one will ever understand why they are the way that they are. But, now we have a means to begin reaching out in a way that will hopefully give them a voice until they feel strong enough to use their own.  There are certainly plenty of groups out there to help survivors cope with their past abuse and the repercussions of it.  But, there is much to be said about being able to sit down with someone who really gets it.  We get why you have a difficult time trusting people and may have a pattern of ending relationships abruptly, again and again.  I call it my “off switch”.  We get why you may be afraid to allow yourself to truly love someone.  We get why you are so filled with rage at times that you feel you may explode.  And, we get why you may have a pattern of just waiting for those you love to walk out on you, and probably try to stay prepared for it.  You really aren’t alone.  These are all very normal reactions to the extreme emotional pain we have suffered.  But, many of us have gotten past it, or at least are making progress on it.  My point is, that you are not alone.  And, hearing from others that have similar experiences and emotional hurdles in their own lives allows us to take a deep breathe and begin to accept that we are pretty normal, after all.  We have simply done what it took to survive.  Surviving what we have been through is a pretty huge accomplishment in itself.  But, there is so much more out there for us all.  And hopefully, our movement will create an awakening…an awakening of so any beautiful, strong, talented and capable women and men becoming the awesome people that God intends for us to be.  It’s our time…